-Well everyone, I made it over to this beautiful place, but I wasn’t all that easy. I’ve had a few anxious moments but nothing I could not handle - the sleepers on the train were fairly small and I wasn’t keen on closing the door, but I did for the night ! Going to the dining room worried me a little but the people were so friendly and that helped a lot. Coming home will take a long time but I will make it. DOROTHY from S.A. travelling through to Qld.

-Hi all ! I loved the trip up here, I am really overpowered by it all - the BIG high-rise apartments that are up here. Bill’s been taking me for pre- breakfast jogs on the beach. Freezing cold swims but I’m unwinding. Tonight we are going out for dinner and “Live Entertainment Show” Making progress. The weather is really terrific, I haven’t forgotten you. CAROLYN from Surfer’s Paradise 1,800kms from home.

-Dear Friends, as most of you know, Margaret and myself met through SWAG. Both of us have been housebound, Margaret had not had a holiday for 12 years, and I myself not for 13 years. I must add that it is good to go through this with someone else (the same as me!) its a GREAT HELP. (Laughter is our safety valve!) We decided we needed a holiday and Margaret picked out a house at Victor Harbour (a coastal holiday site 85km from here) . It took all our money but the holiday was a necessity. Traveled down in convoy and ‘felt out of our depth’ when others left for home. Margaret drove around a lot, which was fabulous, more than what she drives around at home. She did a terrific job. One night while relaxing with the children watching T.V. we had a power black out ! We grouped together across the road and gingerly tapped on the neighbour’s door. She didn’t have any candles but she did have a doctor’s torch (Imagine us checking everything with that little glimmer of light!!). We all slept together in the lounge room after that and we all felt much happier! We are now planning for next time - Kangaroo Island !!! KAY- South Australia.

-My wife contacted you when you were in Perth. She has suffered from agoraphobia for more than twenty two years. It is now more than eight years since we have attended any function in Perth City, for obvious reasons. A few weeks ago, we had the opportunity to purchase some choice seats in front of the stage area of the Entertainment Center to attend the Cliff Richard concert held last Monday night. Normally, of course, this would have been unthinkable. I write to commend the management of this Center, whom we approached on the off-chance that something might be arranged. They could not have been more helpful, from providing us with private parking at the rear, with the Assistant Manager meeting us personally and escorting us to our seats, thus avoiding the capacity crowd of 8,000 people. !!! He also arranged an easy access to our car with partial removal of a temporary barrier between us and the nearest emergency exit and checked with us during the show and pointed us out to an assistant who remained nearby. I have written to them commending their actions and feel that some of your readers may also gain from a personal approach to the Management of various entertainment and function areas and centers. I feel sure that many people would find most management are anxious to assist where possible. REGARDS- CAROLYN

-Dear Friends, this feeling of recovering - its strange, its new, its uncanny and puzzling but wonderful!!! I’d like to share it with you. The past eight weeks have just been incredible ! Oh Dear Friends, is it really ME who is doing all these things ? I can’t say I’m not doing it without any apprehension before hand, no, but I’m doing it! Isn’t it marvelous !! I’M ALIVE, I have become part of this world again ! And I am ready for any set-back too !!! The things I have accomplished ! I have sat through two sessions of movies, I have been to the hairdresser, not for a quick cut, but a perm! I also went back the following week, had a shampoo and steam treatment and not a slight of panic. One weekend the whole family went to Lofter’s looking at the tram museum, I went on one of the journeys. I didn’t want to go home! We hired a trail-bike and now would you believe it, we all bought motor bikes and go often ! We ride on the beach. The highlight of my achievements was to drive to the Warrangamba Dam! I managed a night out with 13 people in a Restaurant, a pre-Christmas dinner with friends. I have been to the MBF right up in Westfield for the first time again after a few years, I dreaded this place and always avoided it. I only use my I.D. card for extreme emergencies. Wait for it !! I made it up the Sydney tower!! The next day I did it again to prove it to myself!!! KAREN - SYDNEY

-During the early years of our marriage I developed the terrible fear of going out alone. It was crippling and resulted in a great deal of misunderstanding among the people whom we had come to serve. They told me later that they thought that I was a snob and thought they were ‘beneath me’. My husband had to live with this misunderstanding in his every day work; he had to explain my inability to meeting people outside my own home without fully understanding what was happening himself. At home I was very happy and completely confident, but only until the time came to go shopping or walking in the street, or go visiting or later, take my daughter to school. Going to church was a terrifying thought. I longed to be ‘normal’ like everyone else appeared to be. It seemed a state well beyond my reach. The shame was heaped on when I remembered that my husband was a well known public figure; a much sort after speaker at meetings, and a glamorous ex-Englandsportsman. He should have a wife to match I thought - there seemed no escape, I felt I was in prison. I would shake with fear when the front doorbell went and my knees turned to jelly when the time to go shopping came. I had two options - one was to withdraw completely and pretend that everything was alight, provided that I did not have to go out - the other was to begin to admit to myself, to my husband and to one or two trusted friends that I could not manage - that I needed help and was not too proud to receive help. It was also important to me that people believed that I was prepared to help myself, at my own pace. Thank God for the friends and family who accepted me as I was. Thank God for those who made me feel that I had something to give as well as receive during those years. I had to admit that at times I was afraid of being alone in the evening; someone came to sit with me. I had to admit that I was unable to go shopping alone, someone did that for me. I had to admit to being petrified of being ‘trapped’ in church, yet another friend saved me a seat at the back, behind the curtain.....with a wink. All that kind of acceptance, coupled with a husband who went on loving me, and who never told me to ‘pull myself together’ and also never made me feel I was holding him back in his job, all that enabled me to admit my own limitations, to ask for professional help in those days, and since, to help myself at my own pace. Now over 20 yrs later I am able to drive alone through London’s rush hour, to address a meeting or fly alone to Ireland; to sit in front in our Cathedral or any big church on major public occasions; I am more alone now that I have ever been but can cope. There are still difficult times and some things that I cannot do but at least I can admit those moments to myself and recognise my limitations. I’m learning to pace myself and to say no to some things what ever some people might think. I feel out of prison. I have also come to discover that it is more ‘normal’ to have handicaps, disablement, limitations than not, and one of the keys to healthy, fulfilled living is to accept this fact about oneself as well as in others. GRACE -U.K.

-I feel that I have seen a very high courage as I have watched Grace facing the fears associated with agoraphobia, I never feel that I am witnessing courage, when I am told that someone is afraid of ‘nothing’. The highest courage seems to me to be when someone has some very deep fears yet doesn’t give in to them. When Grace went through a tunnel of nervous illness soon after we were married she was greatly helped by a psychiatrist. We established a practice that I would go too and would come in for the last quarter of an hour of the consultation. This has been a very great help to me in beginning to understand what was going on. I admired how she increasingly learned to ‘trade on her good days’ . When she felt able to go out or take on a particular commitment, she would go out and do it that same day. Even though she didn’t feel able to commit herself in any long term plan, it meant that she wasn’t withdrawing into her shell. As far as I am concerned, the experience has been anything but a negative one. I am somebody who found it quite difficult to be in touch with my own deep feeling and even more difficult to share them with someone else. When Grace talked to me about her fears and feelings I was able to acknowledge that some of those were present in myself - and in many other people too. She felt that she might be holding me back in my career. I am sure that the reverse was the truth. If it hadn’t been for her condition I think I might have turned into a platform speaker who never acknowledge the deep fears and hurts which there are in all human beings, including myself. Far from holding me back I believe that the experience which we have shared has equipped me to understand the experience of very many people. DAVID -U.K.

-It is many months now since I last wrote to you - and many exciting things have happened. After three years of ‘battling’ I am now RECOVERED, Praise the Lord ! How did this happen ? It all came about through a lot of PATIENCE AND PRACTICE. First of all I owe my thanks to the local ‘aggie’ group where I attended and through this group I was referred to the state University Psychology clinic and received Relaxation and Counseling Sessions. Finally I attended a weekend Agoraphobic Clinic run by leading professionals. As a result of attendance at this I was assessed and my medication changed and from then on I have never looked back as I learned fully how to ‘cope’ and how to put my relaxation techniques into practice. It has not been easy as I had to practice over and over again in lots of difficult situations, and on my own !! I had no human helper, but I did have my faith in God and the assurance that He was with me through it all. It is three years since I felt as well as I do now, and I am coping well and doing most things - shopping in various stores and large shopping centers, traveling to the City on my own - NO PANICS! crossing roads, etc., it is wonderful to feel so relaxed and confident again. I have commenced voluntary aid at a Special School for handicapped children - at present two days per month - and going to this school is good therapy for I have to cross 5 streets to the bus stop (both ways ) ride in the bus for 20 mins and then walk 5 mins to school. I am enjoying this involvement, and hope that at some future date I may be able to give more than two days per month to this work. After being away from a lot of ‘outside’ involvement I find that I have to come back into this area of work by degrees and not get so involved as to make myself overtired. Thanks to all who have helped me back on the road to recovery. SANDY-QLD

-My life has changed in so many ways and I feel I would like to share with you the joy and fulfillment I now experience. I had suffered from agoraphobia for forty-three years and could not imagine a life without anxiety and hoped that the next day I would be able to extend it to perhaps two moments. But that’s not the way it works, as I put so much pressure on wanting it to happen that the result was twice as much tension - as usual and naturally, a tremendous feeling of disappointment and discouragement. What did work for me and has made it possible for me to change the bad habits of a life time was learning to live in the present - releasing the guilt and anger of the past and ignoring the worry of what might happen in the future. I have had a lot of help in reaching the inner equilibrium I now experience but the best feeling of all is the knowledge that I have done it for myself. I know it has been my commitment, discipline and downright hard work that has achieved the breakthrough that was needed to enable me to be able to do whatever I want to do and go wherever I want to go, without relying on other people, drugs etc., for support or even survival. What does amaze me is that although I realize enormous changes have been made on the outside, the feeling within is the one I recognize has been with me all my life but only now surfacing and that is the one that enables me to face each day with joy, peace and anticipation of having fun and being happy, no matter what happens. When I realize that I can walk down the street I live in, whenever I want to, I know I can do anything and this knowledge has enabled the love I have within to bubble out, drowning all the fears and outward manifestations of fear that I had accumulated and which I used as a facade behind which to hide. I am used to flying interstate regularly and have had the understanding from flight attendants. The strongest feelings I now have are the ones of gratitude, tranquillity and humility that so much has been given me and I have a very sincere desire to share the knowledge that, if I can do it, anyone can!! TEAGAN - N.S.W.

Recently an American Musical was being held at the Adelaide Festival theatre. The last time I went there was 12 months ago when five agoraphobics with five helpers went to see another Overseas Musical performance. ( We had three rows booked - ten seats all on the left hand side aisle by the exit !!!) This time however I could not book a place I preferred, so had to take a chance. (I went with my helper) Because of two shows running each day it was naturally a Full House, no parking spaces left for blocks and blocks; all car parks full. We decided to drive right up to the Festival Theatre car park which had 'Full - No Entry'. We explained a bit about agoraphobia and I showed my I.D. card. To our surprise the man let us in and said, "Next time there is a full house and agoraphobics want to go, ring first and we will keep parking spaces." We thanked him very much and proceded into the theatre, where we had a wonderful surprise (or rather I did), I showed my I.D. card and said "Do you know anything about Agoraphobia?". The usherette shone her torch on my card and remarked, "Yes, I do, wait a sec." She went over and whispered to a couple who were sitting on the aisle who immediately moved to our seats and we took their's!!! Half-way through the show it dawned on me how thankful I was to have those people who have heard about agoraphobia, if not, I wouldn't have been able to see the show comfortably without panics. ( I am not sufficiently de-sensitised yet to sit in the middle - one step at a time). After the show we had dinner at the restaurant in the Festival Centre, which is very relaxing and a nice atmosphere, it you want to practise, try going there. JOANNE - ADELAIDE -S.A.

I have been a long-term sufferer but am now completely recovered. The extent of my cure is being re-inforced constantly in seemingly small ways but they are monumental to me. The other day I was in the middle of town at midday and without even a second thought suggested to my husband that he park the car and I would meet him further up town, sometime late. Still more amazing that I would walk to our rendezvous. The incredible part of that story is that it was just so natural. It wasn't until much later I realised the full degree of my recovery. It has take a great deal of patience on my part and on the people involved in my cure. I also had to learn the meaning of dependence - a bridge to fulfilment, and finally maturity and freedom. Trust and acceptance were other lessons I had to master. It wasn't easy for me as I had every reason to distrust and reject just about all my feelings for the sake of recovery. Another area I found I needed to examine very closely was the guilt I had carried probably all my life. This manifested itself again in a small way, when I took up square dancing. I wasn't very good and didn't like it very much because I came to realise I tried too hard. Every time a square was in trouble I always thought it was my fault. With the patience of the callers and other more experienced dancers sharing that they had felt just the same in the beginning, I relaxed and came to actually enjoy the activity. I think the hardest lesson I had to learn was to face and really acknowledge my anger, and even harder, to learn acceptable ways of expressing it, hence freeing myself from anger and frustration. Finally, (this took the longest to achieve) I came to learn relaxation against tension, no matter how or what I was feeling. It was only then I felt I had some idea of natural peace and could at last begin 'to live and let live.' I would just like to say that mastering any of these skills for whatever reason, it well and truly worth the practice involved. JACKI -N.S.W.

-I have been a long-term sufferer but am now completely recovered. The extent of my cure is being re-inforced constantly in seemingly small ways but they are monumental to me. The other day I was in the middle of town at midday and without even a second thought suggested to my husband that he park the car and I would meet him further up town, sometime late. Still more amazing that I would walk to our rendezvous. The incredible part of that story is that it was just so natural. It wasn't until much later I realised the full degree of my recovery. It has take a great deal of patience on my part and on the people involved in my cure. I also had to learn the meaning of dependence - a bridge to fulfilment, and finally maturity and freedom. Trust and acceptance were other lessons I had to master. It wasn't easy for me as I had every reason to distrust and reject just about all my feelings for the sake of recovery. Another area I found I needed to examine very closely was the guilt I had carried probably all my life. This manifested itself again in a small way, when I took up square dancing. I wasn't very good and didn't like it very much because I came to realise I tried too hard. Every time a square was in trouble I always thought it was my fault. With the patience of the callers and other more experienced dancers sharing that they had felt just the same in the beginning, I relaxed and came to actually enjoy the activity. I think the hardest lesson I had to learn was to face and really acknowledge my anger, and even harder, to learn acceptable ways of expressing it, hence freeing myself from anger and frustration. Finally, (this took the longest to achieve) I came to learn relaxation against tension, no matter how or what I was feeling. It was only then I felt I had some idea of natural peace and could at last begin 'to live and let live.' I would just like to say that mastering any of these skills for whatever reason, it well and truly worth the practice involved. JACKI -N.S.W.

-Saturday was my youngest son's birthday, managed to get a cake and party together with the help of my eldest son. Six boys came and we all put up the balloons, I played Happy Birthday on the piano while they all sang merrily away which took my tension away also - they all really enjoyed it. Sunday. We visited a friend in Melbourne and on the way home I asked my husband to take us to the Treasury Gardens to see Captain Cook's cottage ! I'd never seen it before, the boys couldn't believe it that 'Mum had never seen the cottage before!' The gardens were a picture, there is even a little creek with a waterfall and ferns and flowers everywhere. I felt I was 'out of prison' it was so beautiful and peaceful I didn't want to go and next time I've decided to pack a picnic basket and stay longer. On the way home I felt so good that it was ME who suggested to go to Mc Donald's for tea - I even went into the shop and ordered, stood there, no problems! The crazy thing is, I couldn't do that before ! I enjoyed it all. Tuesday. Went for a half mile walk with my husband and enjoyed that too. - I think it was the walk that gave me a good night's sleep ! DIEDRE - VICTORIA

-I have been able to go to three, no, four dinners. The manuals have been a great help, especially the Controlled Breathing and Relaxation. I have found I am doing well. I now know what to do when panic comes. I also went to see my daughter perform in an ice skating pantomime and I was the proudest MUM there, for her and for my own achievement. For two weeks leading up to rehearsals I went and practised sitting high up in the stand where I would be on the big day. I'm sure practise make perfect and it paid off! Also with my helper I have been on a longer bus trip and the next plan is the bus on my own !! My psychiatrist has been a great help in understanding as I feel most of my friends and family do no fully grasp it yet, but they read all the literature and books. I feel very grateful that the phobia was recognised as I have only had the problem for two years. I wish and hope to help others who have had to suffer this longer than myself. I CAN see the light at the end of the tunnel. GEORGINA - TASMANIA

-Going to the supermarket is usually not a problem anymore, but it once was. My husband has been very kind and understanding but I think I feel I might let him down. Others seem to do better when they are out with other people. I seem to be the opposite. I drive, and am able to do almost anything alone as I have this horrible fear of becoming unglued in front of others. Therefore if I am alone I feel I can just leave the bank or the market, etc.......consequently I have never had to. I still have problems and wish to know more about helping myself, to keep my self-respect . LYN - COVENTRY- U.S.A

-Until June, I could only travel 10 to 12 miles away from my home. One of my goals was, to travel to Melbourne to attend a callisthenics competition with my family. I started practising short trips first of all to gain my confidence- Murray Bridge, Victor Harbour, Port Pirie, Mt. Gambier. (between 50 - 100 miles away). I was ready ! The news that the Prime Minister's conference was being held exactly opposite our building that had no parking facilities, really caused me concern. Rumours of intensive security etc., didn't help either! However, I prepared myself to think sensibly, and believe it or not, the first day we attended the competition (after a successful journey by car to Melbourne) we parked directly opposite the theatre! We travelled in and out of Melbourne on the bus sometimes, and at one time even got lost, but it didn' worry me. Has a lovely time meeting another 'aggie' and sharing lots of ideas, I will keep in touch. HEATHER - SOUTH AUSTRALIA

-Recently an American Musical was being held at the Adelaide Festival theatre. The last time I went there was 12 months ago when five agoraphobics with five helpers went to see another Overseas Musical performance. ( We had three rows booked - ten seats all on the left hand side aisle by the exit !!!) This time however I could not book a place I preferred, so had to take a chance. (I went with my helper) Because of two shows running each day it was naturally a Full House, no parking spaces left for blocks and blocks; all car parks full. We decided to drive right up to the Festival Theatre car park which had 'Full - No Entry'. We explained a bit about agoraphobia and I showed my I.D. card. To our surprise the man let us in and said, "Next time there is a full house and agoraphobics want to go, ring first and we will keep parking spaces." We thanked him very much and proceded into the theatre, where we had a wonderful surprise (or rather I did), I showed my I.D. card and said "Do you know anything about Agoraphobia?". The usherette shone her torch on my card and remarked, "Yes, I do, wait a sec." She went over and whispered to a couple who were sitting on the aisle who immediately moved to our seats and we took their's!!! Half-way through the show it dawned on me how thankful I was to have those people who have heard about agoraphobia, if not, I wouldn't have been able to see the show comfortably without panics. ( I am not sufficiently de-sensitised yet to sit in the middle - one step at a time). After the show we had dinner at the restaurant in the Festival Centre, which is very relaxing and a nice atmosphere, it you want to practise, try going there. JOANNE - ADELAIDE S.A.

-I would like to pass on to my fellow 'aggies' my most recent achievement, a four week trip to the U.K. As one good 'aggie' friend told me, it is a feather in my cap. Having had agoraphobia for 18 years I have always found it rather distressing planning holidays and on the trip, even when not going too far away. This anticipation before going was not good, thinking about all the 'ifs' that might happen. The big day finally arrived and we had a very good flight, stopping only at Singapore and Bahrain and then we were in London. I couldn't believe it not one single panic and only a few butterflies. It was lovely to see all the historical places in London, but I was glad when we got our hire car and went North as the traffic and roads were a bit too much for me. The next 10 days were pretty hectic as we went through Wales, The Lake District and Scotland, stopping at places only one night. By the time we reached Yorkeshire I was mentally and physically exhausted and trying to keep up to my energetic husband was not easy, but I did it and John never made me do anything he knew I couldn't or didn't want to. However, I didn't let him know how I felt and on three occasions I had to lock myself in the toilet and have a good cry. I was homesick, tired and nervy and even when I was standing I still felt as though I was walking or driving or the floor was coming up to meet me, but a good cry did wonders and I always felt better afterwards. When we reached the country village where John was born and left when he was 18, we stayed at a lovely hotel for 8 nights and then I had a good rest and realised it had all been worth it. The flight home was long and once again no sleep, but we finally made it and now I can look back and remember the good things. The U.K. is a very pretty county and I have wonderful memories, but there is no place like home, but I can say with pride, I have been much further than 'the letter box'. However, I must hasten to add that I couldn't have done it on my own and give thanks for having John who understands and helps me through any agoraphobia traumas I have. MARGARET -ADELAIDE -S.A.

Hi at SWAG, I am a recovering agrophobe I guess. I first suffered panic attacks back in the early 80's and it was debilitating and interfered with my life greatly. I thought I was going mad! I completed a survey full of questions all of which I related to. This was scary even though I was finding something that rang true to me. I tried going to a number of doctors with no success, and gradually I become more reluctant to venture out unless I had to. Fortunately I had a job and I maintained this throughout my worst times......going home was something I dreaded the most because I had to do a right hand turn at a set of traffic lights, and I thought about it every afternoon....would I panic today? Would I be lucky and get a green light? Anyway, I filled out the survey and I received a letter to say YES I suffered from Agrophobia! I was horrified, I don't know why. I should have been happy that something was "found" that someone knew about. But at the time I remember always thinking why can't it be a broken leg and I would be on crutches or in a wheelchair, then it could be visible? I then began receiving the SWAG newsletter on a regular basis. This was full of advice and "sayings" made to help understand and live with the fear of panic. I used to write some of these lightly on the dash of my car because this was where I felt most vulnerable.The best word I ever used was ACCEPT. I found this single word the most helpful in the entire English language. The years passed and I read different books (Claire Weekes was great for understanding Agrophobia) but I must say thankyou to SWAG and particularly a lady called Faye. I rang SWAG and was given phone counselling and when I had a particularly bad day or had a burning question they were always there. I have never met them but feel they know me well. I will close by saying I am now a school Principal (in a small school). I have travelled to the U.S.A. three times, Europe twice, Asia and I had one year in England on a teacher exchange. While in England I rode a bike from the west coast to the east coast. And although this was years after I felt "over" the problem I often caught myself thinking about panic attacks as I rode up and down the hills of the Lakes District. I remember thinking "come and get me if you dare" and I would remember the saying from one of the SWAG newsletters that says "when fear knocks at the door most people don't answer it....but when they do, there is nothing there". I don't think I am completely cured because I do have days when "it" crosses my mind. But I remember to accept that on some days we get stressed about any number of things in our lives. So I try to recognise stress, accept it and move on. "Success is on the other side of panic not on this side"....C.Weekes tapes!! So, as I was surfing the net I thought why not look up agrophobia. And I am glad to see there are many sites dedicated to it. For all you sufferers out there, feel encouraged. You will read horror stories, you no doubt have some of your own. But it does get better. The closest I come to panic these days is getting on a plane. I don't like flying, but hey, either does millions of other people. I accept I don't like it, and I give into it then there is no fear. good luck to you all and thanks again to those who helped. Regards ..J.....now, why am I so reluctant to use my name? Is it a male thing, do I see agrohpobia as a weakness? Maybe I'm not as "cool" about it as I thought, because I don't discuss it with family or friends! mmmm

I am happy to say I no longer suffer with agoraphobia and can go shopping and do what ever I like. Last year my husband had to have two major opperations in Adelaide and so I had to drive to the hospital every day for weeks also drive to and from Adelaide which is 350 kms away. I believe my agoraphobia could have been possibly triggered and caused by being given serapax one week a month for PMT. After a time of that I started to have panic attacks and stayed on a low dose for years by doctor’s orders until one day I was told by someone with medical knowledge that my trouble could be caused by the serapax. I was put on Vallium then slowly taken off them over some weeks, since then I have not looked back and will never take serapax or valium or any tablets like them again. Hope this may be of help to others. I wouldn’t mind hearing from others who still have agoraphobia either by letter or phone. NORAH S.A.

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